Being in the Moment
October 3, 2010

This week in our caregiving class, we watched a film, “Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter,” by Deborah Hoffmann. In this film, Ms. Hoffmann documents her struggle with accepting her mother’s Alzheimer’s disease. In the beginning, she tried to correct her mother’s faulty memory, tried to make things right and normal.

Eventually, she came to the conclusion that being right was not as important as being there and enjoying the moment. When her mother no longer recognized that this was her daughter, she could still accept that this was a friend. Once she accepted her mother as she was at that moment, she was able to enjoy the time spent with her.

Ms. Hoffman expresses what I think we all feel, that our memories and cognitive abilities make us who we are. It is so extremely difficult to see someone you love lose so much of themselves and their past. Yet, once we can accept that they still have value and can still enjoy life, if in different ways than before, we can perhaps achieve some level of peace. And perhaps we can find moments of happiness. It may be just the very simple and basic act of sharing the same space.

When our loved one is physically suffering, it becomes even more difficult. Sometimes, no matter how much we love them, it can be incredibly difficult to deal with. I pray for patience, for strength, for understanding and the knowledge to provide what my mother and brother need. I find it helps to reach out and share. Most of the time, I don’t need someone to solve my problems. I just need someone to listen.