Transitions

When Wes had his stroke, I felt like I had been hit upside of the head with a 2 x 4. How could I cope with this? I found myself grieving for the loss of the person he was, having to adjust to a different relationship--one in which I was the adult taking care of a large, lost child.

Somehow, we developed a routine and, even though there were more doctors, more meds to take care of, more juggling of time, everything seemed to work. And Wes seemed to be getting better.

And then, I found one morning that he had passed away during the night. I felt like I had been hit upside of the head with a 2 x 4 again. Had there been something more I could have done? Had I missed something? Had I not been aggressive enough in his care? As I think back on things, I really don't know if I could have done anything more that would have made a difference.

And then, there was the rush to take care of things. Having to pick out a mortuary immediately, having to make funeral arrangements the same day, having to deal with the funeral itself.

And then, having to go back to work. Everything is just supposed to go back to normal. I'm supposed to jump back in and be the person I was before all of this. And I really don't know what I'm doing and why.